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I can’t really reason out why I haven’t written much for this blog recently. It seemed that when things were not really moving for my career, that I wrote a lot. Not that things have happened, I haven’t written. It’s not to say that I blew up overnight and now I am an amazing acting sensation… I was already that. But, since I wrote, I have picked an agent, and have been to a few auditions. Here is the list:
- Two McDonald commercials
- One Rosetta Stone Commercial
- One for Fringe a few weeks ago and one coming up this Monday
- One Nickelodeon TV movie this last Monday
So far, I have not gotten any of the roles, but it’s just good to be in the room. Maybe one day soon, I will be cast in one of these. That will be a beautiful day! Pray for me. 
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It has definitely been a lifetime and a half since I have been here. Some things have changed, but not too too much. I guess the most important is that I’m this close to getting an agent. Two showed interest in me and I met with both and I had to make a hard decision and I think I made it. So I’m just waiting to hear back. I will keep everybody updated on that front.
See, nothing really new, but I wanted to reestablish myself here, you know reappear, and continue to appear more often.
Hello blog world. I have returned.
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“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” Kurt Cobain
Who knew that Kurt Cobain would give me such good advice. But, alas, he has. I absolutely know what it feels to want to be someone else. Anyone looking at me would believe I am settled in myself. And I am. My exterior exudes confidence and self esteem. I do have those things. But God knows that there were (are) times when I was not fully happy in myself.
This feeling has definitely come around less often with time. In fact, now I would say that I rarely have this feeling. I am happy with who God made me.
But in the past, I would often compare myself to others. Others of another race, another face, another body shape, with different hair, with a different voice…etc. This included celebrities, but mostly included people in my real life.
I wrote this post here instead of my other blog because although its connection to acting is not overt, it does exist.
Now that I am more settled in myself, I find that it helps me accept my decision to be an actress. I realize that I do not have to look like Angelina, or sing like Beyonce or act like Meryl (although to act like her would be AMAZING!). I just have to be myself. There is no one in the world like me. And wanting to be someone other than me is futile. It would still be me trying to impersonate someone else.
Therefore, I choose to be settled and happy with who I am and that will translate into my craft, helping me become more grounded and showing the world…. me.
It takes time and effort and I’m working on it.
Anyone know what I’m talking about?
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I think I’ve already talked about this.
My tendency to doubt myself. And my exasperation with myself. And with my sometime thoughts that I am not good enough, beautiful enough to pursue my dream to become an actress.
For a split second, I contemplate giving up my dream. Because my “inner voice” works hard to convince me that it will never work out for me. So why waste my time?
But then something always happens. I see something, hear something, someone tells me, God tells me… Something happens to make me realize that my dream is worth having. That it is worth the fight. That I can be something. And it should be fun just to even try.
Something reminds me that I should not give up on my love.
This time, it was a video on YouTube. Of Hugh Jackman and Beyonce and a few others.
Nothing too special, but watching it reminded me that I would love to do what they are doing. Performing.
And whether or not I make it to that level, performing in front of that many people, I know I’ll love it. And I will love the journey.
This “inner voice” needs to be silenced.
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I posted this on my other blog. But it’s just too good not to share again.
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I am loving my classes at the Actor’s Foundry.
I love good quotes.
Today, two of these loves converged.
Paul Tournier
The above quotes describes exactly what I am learning in my classes. It may seem like simple, common sense, but you would be surprised how it is sometimes hard to think positively about oneself.
In future posts, I will provide more in depth descriptions of my classes.
In the meantime…
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I’m changing the layout of my blog again. And with change comes fixing and tweaking. So, if something is not working correctly, please forgive me.
Meanwhile, connect here for my Nigeria stories (when I get them up).
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As “bloggeranonymous” pointed out here, it has been a few months since my last post. I am still alive. In fact, I just returned from, as my friend put it, an OHMYGOODNESSHOWLONGWASTHISVACATION six-week trip to Nigeria. This was my first time visiting and the first time meeting the majority of my family. There will be posts documenting my trip, most likely cross referenced with my other blog. In fact, you can read my short entry about it here.
So you will forgive me from the lack of entries over these last months. Finding a place to connect to the internet was hard enough, much less being able to blog.
Anyway, right now, I’m trying to beat jetlag. But I just wanted to assure you all, faithful readers, that I am still alive. Yet again.
I hope your Christmas and New Year was blessed!!
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